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You know you're a Serb...

Erstellt von Mare-Car, 06.02.2005, 03:17 Uhr · 9 Antworten · 1.042 Aufrufe

  1. #1

    You know you're a Serb...

    Habe eine schöne Liste gefunden, die viele hier, auch nicht Serben, zum lachen bringen wird

    You know you're a Serb when...
    Die besten hab ich hier aufgeführt!

    Sie ist verdammt lang, aber sie weckt so manche erinnerungen an die Kindheit

    PS Es steht bei Kultur, weil es Kultur ist!

    Um auf den geschmack zu kommen (Shit ist lang geworden, habe aber die Liste gefiltert und das beste hier reingeschrieben Ich habe es in absätze unterteilt, damit Ihr es in Etappen lesenkönnt :

    # Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any Amerikanac
    # You get a C in history, but can recite every Serbian king, in order,from Czar Dusan
    # Your dad never told you about the birds and the bees
    # At your wedding you know only about a third of the people there.
    # At your wedding you have a minimum of 350 guests.
    # At your wedding the first song is always "danas majka zeni svoga sina".
    # You have at least 3 slave to attend to on the same day.
    # All slave have the same cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
    # There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local bar.
    # You hear birds chirping and see the sun rise every time you come home from the bar.

    # Your mother still makes your bed.
    # You are 18 years old but your parents still call you by your brother's name.
    # Every car your family owns has chrome wheels.
    # Your Baba calls all cereal "Corn Flakes".
    # You can hear your dad snoring from across the street.
    # Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.
    # Your dad wears black socks to work everyday.
    # Your Baba and Deda live in your basement.
    # Your parents never go on vacations because they are afraid to leave you home alone for a week.
    # You have all brand new appliances in your kitchen but your mom cooks in the basement with the stove from your old house.

    # Your baba swears more than you do.
    # Your dad claims not to be a racist but insists the whole world should speak Serbian.
    # You are prohibited from speaking English in you own home.
    # Before school every morning your parents had to look after the sheep, milk the cows, gather all hay, feed the animals etc..
    # Both your parents had to walk to school barefoot in the snow, 5km uphill both ways. And over rocks.
    # Your parents can't pronounce "Thursday".
    # You argue that your mobile phone is better than anyone else's.
    # Your mum makes her own bread and slices it with a BIG kitchen knife to a thickness of 5cm per slice.
    # You have the biggest sandwiches at school, always consisting of "prsut Or salami".
    # Your dad wears dress socks with tennis shoes.

    # Each one of your friends has a distinct, annoying laugh.
    # All the hot girls/guys are your cousins.
    # Your dad starts to swear obsessively whenever he watches CNN.
    # Your parents have gone on vacation ONCE and it was to Yugo.
    # Being someone's KUM really has no meaning.
    # Your dad thinks he knows everything about the world today.
    # You had to break off a tree branch from your back yard, so your dad could whoop your ass with it.
    # When your walls are crowded with icons of saints
    # Your last name ends with a CH
    # You have black hair and brown eyes
    # When you speak Serbian and not English on your "You know when you're Serb" list

    # When you are reading this list and you're cracking up
    # Your church has a fully loaded bar
    # Your parents have a shot of rakija for breakfast
    # You started to drink at the age of 12
    # You don't talk to your Kumovi
    # Your mom wears her bra as a bathing suit
    # It takes over 8 years to finish college
    # If you are female, you first name ends in "A"
    # You have a Serbian cross, flag, or icon, hanging from your rear view mirror
    # Your uncle makes his own wine that is stronger than rakija

    # You think everything is a conspiracy
    # Your dad thinks that the phone is bugged
    # If you are a girl and not married by the age of 20 you are an old maid
    # There is a baba hotline 1-800-CALL-BABA
    # Your mother insists that "promaja" will kill you
    # Your mother insists that you must eat something with "kasika" at least several times a week
    # You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup
    # You eat canned peppers and ajvar with every meal
    # You have a Kosovka Devojka goblen hanging on your wall
    # You live with your mom and dad until you are married

    # You have a pair of wool slippers that your baba knit
    # Your mom tells you not to sit on concrete or your ovaries are going to freeze
    # On your birthday, your parents make you take a picture cutting the cake with a huge knife.
    # Your dad washes the garage floor with the hose wearing cheap criss-cross brown flip-flops.
    # There's a slab of fat in your fridge called "slanina"
    # Rakija is used to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions and as a massage lotion
    # When you celebrate Christmas and Easter and New Year two weeks after everyone else
    # At your birthdays everyone is singing "Happy brzday tu u"
    # You wear as much gold as your girlfriend/mother/sister
    # When the head of a pig with an apple in its mouth is looked upon as a delicacy

    # As a kid you are paid to steal the bride's shoe at a wedding
    # When your baba will not accept the fact that you're not hungry
    # You teach all your American friends Serbian cuss words
    # When your friends can't believe you got drunk at a church function
    # When all your Serbian friends dad's kick your ass.
    # When all your Serbian friend's dads offer you slivo at age 16.
    # Your Tata complains da ga ledga BOLE!!!
    # When you had/have a pet named Mishko.
    # You can think of nothing you would rather do an a Saturday night than go to a dance
    # Your American friends will never understand why you spend so much time at church events and you are the farthest thing from holy that there is

    # You live for the annual Folkfest and/or Soccer Tournament
    # Whenever you kiss somebody, you kiss them 3 times.
    # When your grandma says that farting is healthy.
    # You have 4 pairs of opanke in your attic, basement, closet...
    # When you are told that you'll grow a tail if you drink coffee at a young age
    # You are freaked out by 'Babaroga'
    # You took a bath in a lavor when you were a kid.
    # The first conversation you had as a baby used the words "jebi ga"
    # You cant imagine hearing a song without the obligatory "harmonikas solo"
    # You use Shljivovitca down the carburetor to start your 69 Dodge Charger on a cold winter morning

    # You know you are a Serb when you live in Detroit and are proud of it!
    # You know you are a Serb when you can hear your parents talking, and you are across the street.
    # All other action stops when you hear the music : "Boze Pravde", "Kad sam bio mali", or "Marsirala"
    # When you're a girl, and you dye your hair no other colour than burgundy..
    # "Your Baba says everything you do is bad and what you need is a nice Serbian girl to take care of you!"
    # "You're the first of your friends to get hair on his back, and grey hair to follow"
    # "Everyone is sure that you're Italian or Greek"
    # "Your Baba wastes absolutley no food and even sticks flour in the freezer to keep fresh"
    # "No one has ever pronounced your last name right, and every kid on the block has a nickname for it"
    # You know you're Serbian when you don't work and you go shell out $300 easy on the weekend

    # You know you're Serbian, when you are a fan of whatever basketball team Vlade Divac is on
    # You know you're Serbian when your mom has a whole pharmacy in the medicine cabinet.
    # When your mum cuts your hair with a "serpa"
    # When your mum calls you "stoka"
    # When you can always smell garlic on your parents breath and they insist it kills all the bacteria.
    # You know you are a Serb when you go to the annual picnic on the 4th of July and it's a big car show where your fellow Serbs show off their cars....
    # Your parents still prefer to buy cassettes instead of CDs.
    #When your parents know everything you did at the basketball tournament before you get home
    #A Serbian baby shower is as big as most American weddings!
    ## When your mother yells at you for taking a shower each and every morning with her sarcasm "Did you plow the fields today?"

    # When all guys balk at the idea of meeting you family, especially the male relatives
    ## Your Dad tells you "kad sam ja bio u tvoje godine...."
    # You go to church 2 times a year... Bozic and Uskrs
    # When you say you're hungry, and then go buy pack of smokes
    # When your baba chases you down the street with her cipela...
    # When your baba rather walk five miles to the grocery store instead of getting a ride.
    # When you have a chicken running around in your back yard...
    # When your tata is talking to you and every other word he calls you is budala...
    #When your tata whips you before your relatives come over for your birthday...
    ## You have a shot of rakija followed by a crna kafa and a pack of Malboro's for breakfast.

    # You sport the latest Nike and Adidas outfits but have never exercised in your life
    # You always have the latest mobile phone on the market
    # You can spend 3hrs in a Cafe drinking the same one coffee
    # Calling someone for a chat at 1am on a weeknight is the norm
    # When your parents call relatives in Yugo they shout to be heard
    # Your parents work day and night to build the ultimate brick and concrete mansion so their sin and snaja can live with them in eternal happiness
    # When everytime your family needs to buy a household item, your father asks the salesperson "how much for cash" and continues to bargain down for at least half an hour
    ## As soon as you tell a neighbour you're Serb they ask you for some rakija
    # When your front yard is all concrete ... and your dad then paints it green
    # When at least 3 of your cousins are Cro
    # When you believe the most famous people in the world are Serbs who changed their name

    # When you're married with kids and your mother still insists on cooking and cleaning for you
    # When on your birthday everyone pulls your ears
    # When your baba chases you around the house with a varjaca
    # When your parents call you "sine" no matter if your a boy or a girl.
    # When your parents only want to invite your Serbian friends in your house
    # When your parents only let you go to your Serbian friends' house.
    ## When you work part time and drive a BMW
    # A cassette or Video of Lepa Brena is in your Video case or radio
    # When your tata tells you a narodna poslovica for everything single wrong thing you do and you think that he made them all up just to prove a point.
    # Your parents always complain about how the "matematika" you're doing in school is too easy for kids your age.
    # When your baba and deda believe that you got sick because your parents didn't feed you properly
    # When you are watching your favorite basketball team and someone scores a three pointer you interpret the referee's three fingers in the air as support for Serbia

    # When you open gifts not to tear the wrapping so your baba can reuse the paper and bows
    # When there are more fights at a wedding than a championship match
    # When you write on your history exam that Nikola Tesla is the father of electricity not Thomas Edison and you teacher fails you.
    # When you make a pilgrimage to Chicago
    # When your parents tell you that the laws pertain only to North Amaericans and not them
    # When you call your next door neighbor "kone"
    # You get scared when your dad sneezes
    # When you insist on talking Serbian even when you're with your American friends
    # When you date someone from church

    # When all your Serb guy friends insist they're Cetnici
    # When your dad likes to sit home and play the harmonika
    ## When tipping rule of thumb is: no need to tip if you will never eat at that restaurant again
    # When no one enters your house through the front door. .. everyone is to enter through the garage
    # When your cat is named matcak and your dog is named kutcak
    # When your parents will only go to the doctor if they are passed out on the floor or have severed a limb
    # When to ensure that you will never marry a non-serb, whenever you are in the car with your parents, your parents play Serb music and sing along really loud when the windows are rolled down in the car
    # If your real first name isn't Serbian, you have two first names -- one is definitely Serbian.
    # When the first thing you do when you walk into a friends house, is take off your shoes, kiss their mom, and shake their dad's hand
    # When your friends' parents talk to you like they're YOUR PARENTS too.

    # When you beg a friend going back to Yugo to get you some kajmak
    # When you beg a friend going back to Yugo to get you some Serbian cigarettes
    # When you bang the table and break glasses while singing when you're drunk.
    # When your father threatens you with a papuca
    # When your father says "samo ako te zgrabim ja"
    ## When beans are served and your dad tells you that you should call it "gospodin pasulj
    # You know you are Serb when your boyfriend / husband says to you "cut bre"
    ## Your first real kiss was during the Kissing Kolo.
    # You know you're a serb when you are 25, live on you own, and still sneak up the stairs when you get home at six in the morning.
    # You cut up some onions and garlic and then decide what you will make for dinner.
    # You think the expression "Don't laugh so much, you will cry" sounds reasonable

    # The word "Sramota!" will deter you from anything
    # Every one of your relatives from the old country that immigrates to the the US is an engineer
    # Cevapcici on the grill are better than steak any day
    # All Middle Easterners are "Turci"
    ## Theres a bust of Cica Draza in your house and a hand made afghan on your recliner
    # You can hear Ceca pumping in your car, with the subs cranked to the max, two blocks away
    # You understand what "made in the garage" really means
    # A week after Slava, Bozic, and Easter you are still eating sarma
    # When returning from Jugo, everyone at the airport is staring at you becuase your suitcase smells of rakija
    # After a few years of working there is a pattern on your leave of absence, you are sick every year on the 7th, 14th, and 20th of January
    # You can dance a kolo to anything, including Serbian rock
    # You read this list to your mama and tata and all they have to say in their defense is "IC NAT TRU!!!"

    # You work on a construction, but when you come to YU for vacation you tell everyone how successfull "biznismen" you are.
    # You feel nostalgic for drinking and vomiting in front of the liquor store.
    # When you eat any kind of meat for lunch and your baba says that the greasiest part is the sweetest.
    # You listen to gusle and you actually LIKE it
    # When your mom can bake a cake without sugar, chocolate, flour and oil, and she calls it " the embargo cake "
    # When you're sitting in your room and listening to "narodnjake"
    # When your mama and baba have to wear 18 lbs. of gold around their necks at the zabavas "zato sto narod moze da vidi koliko smo mi bogat!"
    # You always buy a Mercedes Benz when you decide to move back to YU.
    # When in the family gathering every generation has its own war and is boming to talk about and be proud for surviving it.
    # Your house smells like luk or krompir and you get pissed because it gets on your clothes

    # When you started going to the clubs at 14
    # You tell your friends to rebel when their parents tell them to be home before midnight
    # When you say bitch instead of beach or beach instead of bitch
    # When your american friends come to your party and beg for you to play something in english
    # When you try to spell and it comes out the way you speak it
    # You've either thrown a hotel party or have gotten thrown out of one
    # You know you are a Serb when you're mom is running after you to put on a "podkusulja"
    ## You talk to everyone at a distance of 6 inches
    # When a lamb/pig was roasted on a backyard pit for your graduation party to the horror of your friends

    # You know you're a Serb when you sing "DJURDJEVDAN" at all serbian parties
    # When you are never certain whether to stay abroad or return to Serbia
    ## When you were a kid you made enough money for any electronic toy you wanted every time you saw your older relatives
    # You have a doily covering your DVD, VCR, printer, scanner
    # You make sure to bring pictures of your new car/apartment/house with you to YU and show them to your jealous relatives & friends but make it look unintentional
    # When you know what "merak" is and spread your arms every single time you hear "Nema raje bez rodnoga kraja"
    # When you roll pancakes and eat them as a dessert after dinner
    # When your tata never misses to "oglodati oko kosti"
    # When you think there is no better thing in the world but to dip bread in the lard dripping from a roasted pig
    # When your pride is more important than your own happiness

    # When you do not announce yourself before visiting a friend and are happy to see him/her at your door in the same manner
    # When you say your last name first and prefer last names that ends in "ic"
    # You know you're a Serb when your dad thinks everyone from China has a black belt
    # You know you're Serbian when all you have to do is sniffle and your parents (almost gladly) say, "Uh- huh" and start yelling at you for getting sick
    # You are poor in the United States, but when you go back to Yugo everyone thinks you are rich.
    # When there is a knock on the front door and your father asks: Who is?"
    # When you have run away from Serbia and you’re still saying :It’s the best place to live!
    # When you’re BABA is criticizing you every time you say the word "picture"!
    # When you’re BABA doesn’t want to eat Pizza because it has an AWFUL name.
    # When you make sure that every non-Serb KNOWS that while at the English court they were eating with hands King LAZAR was using a golden fork

    ## When your tata is ironing, cooking cleaning and cooking, but when the doorbell rings, you must not open till he doesn’t put himself on the sofa with a cigarette and a turska kafa
    # When you meet someone special and the first question you ask is "imas li papire?"
    # When working 9-5 is like working under fascism the first question you ask at a job interview is "how much vacation time do I have"
    # When people still think you are from Siberia no matter how many times you tell them Serbia
    # When you watch a movie and wait to the end to see if there are any jugovic in the credits
    # You think this list is way too long but have already read to the bottom because it's so funny
    ## Your favorite phrase is "Nema problema"
    # You get phone calls from your relatives in Yugo at 3AM
    # Every letter you receive from Yugo ends with "Posalji malo para"
    # Your parents tell you that sleeping in a cold bedroom is good for your health

    # You're told to speak Serbian to be understood by the whole world
    # When you're going away for the weekend with your girlfriend/boyfriend and your mama and baba tell you to buy some nice pyjamas and underwear
    # For the first 16 years of your life you think your name is J.... Ti Sunce'
    # No matter what the price is your Dad will still say 'kol'ko?,.., ooh, bogati, pa skupo' and 'Nasta trosis pare'.
    #Everybody exept for your father serves the guests on "Slava"
    ## If you were taught to love not just your immediate family but up to your 10th cousin or more and NOT to marry them
    # When you call the youngest child in your family Bato and don't use their real name
    # You know you are born in Australia, America, UK etc but the first words out of your mouth is Serbian and not English
    # When everyone in Yugoslavia asks you "pa de ti se vise svidja? tamo ili ovamo?"
    # You get mad when somebody says that you speak Yugoslavian

    # When your deda drives a Yugo
    # Your easter eggs are coloured brown
    # When relatives immigrate from Yugo, they live at your house for 6 months first
    # When your date comes to pick you up and your dad sits on the couch cleaning his hunting gun
    # You're 14 and some 50 year old guy is trying to pick up on you at the hall
    # Your mama tells you never to cut out the "srce" of a watermelon, but the whole slice or "tata ce da vice kada dodje kuci!"
    # When you pack to go for serbia and out of the 4 suitcases you are carrying, only one of them is actually yours
    # When 3 different strangers are waiting for you at the airport to collect their gifts that you are carrying with you
    # When you tell people you are Serbian, they always ask... "So ... What is it like there now?"
    # You live in the adult world but when you go home, you feel like your 9 years old all over again

    # When you can actually pronounce the "g" in jagnje
    # When your Tata always says "Dodji Tati"
    # When your Deda always says "Dodji Dedi"
    # When your mother in law puts garlic under the cradle of your baby to save him from "uroka"
    # When your baba complains about the mess but does not intend on doing anything about it
    # When your mama tells you that the sweetest things on earth are luk and kiseli kupus
    # When your dad yells at little Serbian kids for speaking English
    # Your dad calls your friend Sarah > sera, and your friend Jose > koza
    # When your dad tells you not to drink so much, but he drinks non stop
    # When you're at a soccer game and your tata is yelling "j**** ja" at the whole team and all the "amerikanci" know it can't be a good thing
    # Your parents tell you that "gurlz" love guys that can dance a good kolo

    ## Asian people are friends with your dad because he's name is Dragan. And they think it's Dragon
    # You have more than 200 serbian movies, but you have never watched them
    # You have a good husband if he works and doesn't beat you
    #Baba says "palachinki" and everyone heads for the table
    ## When your tata does a running commentary through a movie and he thinks he knows everything that's going to happen even though he has never seen the movie
    # When you are in a circle of fellow Serbs having a conversation and anything round dropped into the middle of the group becomes a soccer ball subject to juggling
    # When you actually know what it means when Peja Stojakovic holds up three fingers
    # When you put ground potatoes in your socks to cure a fever
    # There is always "pita" on the kitchen counter and multiple pita dough bundles in your freezer at all times
    # After cooking Pita, you eat it for dinner, breakfast, lunch and dinner

    # Your parents don't expect you to make good grades, as long as they are better than everybody else's
    # Your tata yells at you "budala, neznas nista!" when you tell him that the crowd isn't yelling "DIVAC", they are actually yelling "Defense" during the Sacramento Kings game regardless if they are home or away
    # Seeing an animal's brain in the fridge doesn't freak you out
    ## You use the words brat i sestra for your brother and sister and for your
    # You know when you are a Serb when you are born on a Serbian Saint Day and named after that saint.. eg Nicola, Lazer, Savo etc..
    # Upon meeting another Serb, one of your first questions is, "What church do You go to?"
    # When at your wedding reception as you enter the hall, they play "Marsh Na Drinu".
    ## When tata allways "AMMA YOY"
    # When everyone always turns over their cup after drinking tursku kafu even though they know there is no one to tell them their fortune.
    # When your tata is looking at an old photo album and sees himself young and says "jao sto sam bio frajer" and ur mom tells him "molim te nemoj da s...š!"

    # When your pit bull's name is Pedja
    # You can make a public announcement by telling just one Serb friend something in confidence.
    ## No one believes you are a Serb if you come from Texas, Alabama, Georgia or Mississippi and have a drawl, even if your last name is Manojlovich or Bogdanovich
    # You are the only race that suffers from PROMAJA
    # When TATA goes to any professional and says STA ON ZNA, NEMA POJMA
    # You know you're a Serb when your parents yell "kakva je ta skola" when you cannot complete their tax returns while you're in the third grade.
    # You tell your friends that you love sipak (rosehip) jam and they have no idea what it is

  2. #2

    Registriert seit

    hehehehe zum totlachen!

    Also 80% kann ich auch für uns beanspruchen!

    Besonders das mit "Promaja" find ich so lustig!
    Und das der Vater alles weiss. "Ma nema on pojma, sta on zna!"

  3. #3
    Hahahahaa da trifft ja EINIGES auf mich zu, bis auf das bevor ich in die Schule gehe das meine Eltern nach den Schafen sehen und die Kühe melken usw

  4. #4
    Zitat Zitat von UJKO

    hehehehe zum totlachen!

    Also 80% kann ich auch für uns beanspruchen!

    Besonders das mit "Promaja" find ich so lustig!
    Und das der Vater alles weiss. "Ma nema on pojma, sta on zna!"

    Wusste ich doch!

    haste falsch verstanden, nicht das bevor du zur Schule gehst, sondern dass das deine eltern früher machen mussten bevor sie zur Schule gingen

  5. #5
    Avatar von Denis_Zec

    Registriert seit
    hehehe ... das ist gut ... zum totlachen, viele dinge treffen aber auch auf andere balkanesen zu, bis auf slowenen denke ich, haben alle ähnliche erfahrungen gemacht.
    meine eltern mußten auch immer barfuß durch den schnee zur schule und das jeden 10 km hin und zurück. :wink:

    am besten fand ich den spruch, dass der onkel nen wein macht, der stärker als rakija ist.

    übrigens liebe ich dzem od sipaka.

  6. #6
    ...echt zum Todlachen...besonders als Englischleglegastheniker um Mitternacht sehr aufschlußreich.
    Das nächste mal bitte auf Deutsch damit Ujko mitlachen kann.

  7. #7
    Ich kanns dir ja gern übersetzen

    Kannste kein englisch NEred?

  8. #8
    Zitat Zitat von Mare-Car
    Ich kanns dir ja gern übersetzen

    Kannste kein englisch NEred?
    Nee bin jetzt müde...und wenn der kleine Nered müde ist,weil er Tagsüber unruhegestiftet hat,kann er kein ist das mit mir.

  9. #9
    Zitat Zitat von Nered&Stoka
    Zitat Zitat von Mare-Car
    Ich kanns dir ja gern übersetzen

    Kannste kein englisch NEred?
    Nee bin jetzt müde...und wenn der kleine Nered müde ist,weil er Tagsüber unruhegestiftet hat,kann er kein ist das mit mir.
    Kannst ja morgen lesen, läuft nicht weg...

  10. #10
    Zitat Zitat von Mare-Car
    Zitat Zitat von Nered&Stoka
    Zitat Zitat von Mare-Car
    Ich kanns dir ja gern übersetzen

    Kannste kein englisch NEred?
    Nee bin jetzt müde...und wenn der kleine Nered müde ist,weil er Tagsüber unruhegestiftet hat,kann er kein ist das mit mir.
    Kannst ja morgen lesen, läuft nicht weg...

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